riverwalk
So it’s 7.50 in the morning, feeling kind of tired, kind of accomplished - a little bit of everything, really. Was scouring through a couple of old facebook profiles that I used to sift through, just for the fun of it. It’s so strange (yes i sound like a crazy stalker lady, but no, boredom just makes me extra curious) when you see people you don’t even really know, change or grow. They find new lovers, move to different countries, grow out their hair, shave all of their hair off..you know, the like. It just keeps reminding me that time really waits for no man and that things are so transient and temporary. Why then do we fight for things? Are we fighting for something permanent?
I guess at the end of it, it’s worth having had something for a short while even if it means eventually letting it go.
My cousin and I have a tumultuous relationship that i’m willing to do nothing about. It still irks me from time to time that we started out in the same place. Albeit she being born elsewhere and I being born elsewhere, we did start out pretty much the same. But it was always an offbeat competition i suppose. There’s always been silent competition and it never really occurred to me till recently. I know it’s that way with most siblings, or relatives whatever. But this feels like something that’ll never go away. I wish I could blame her completely, but i KNOW its not the case. i KNOW its just as much my fault as it is hers. But i don’t want her around anymore i guess. it’s weird when people just…fall out. i know nothing ever falls out of your life unless you let it.
and yeah i guess i’m allowing it.
soul work
“I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.”
― Pablo Neruda